


apparitions

by falsegljtter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Experimental Style, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 16:04:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15146741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falsegljtter/pseuds/falsegljtter
Summary: It hurt like hell, Akaashi winced as he threw back the rest of his drink- the comforting sting of liquor nothing compared to the hurt in his heart. At this point it felt like the sting of anesthetic on a cut, nothing that he hadn’t felt a thousand times before. No matter how academically inclined Akaashi was he rarely ever made smart decisions. This was a blip in a long line of bad choices and alcohol tinged regret that would barely have even registered on Akaashi’s radar if not for the end of the world coming in, looking like nothing’s changed in half a decade.





	apparitions

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to write something completely different from everything i’ve ever written and boy i think i did it lmao! very excited to share this even if it made my heart ache while writing a few times

It hurt like hell, Akaashi winced as he threw back the rest of his drink- the comforting sting of liquor nothing compared to the hurt in his heart. At this point it felt like the sting of anesthetic on a cut, nothing that he hadn’t felt a thousand times before. He looks down and absentmindedly sees his honor cords still around his neck and rips them off before shoving them deep down in his bag. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea to head directly to a bar following his college graduation but no matter how academically inclined Akaashi was he rarely ever made smart decisions. This was a blip in a long line of bad choices and alcohol tinged regret that would barely have even registered on Akaashi’s radar if not for the end of the world coming in, looking like nothing’s changed in half a decade. 

 

Like a phantom conjured from Akaashi’s wishful thinking, Kuroo strolled through the door of the bar and Akashi curses his luck. Of all the places in the world, Kuroo had to pick the here; where Akaashi had conveniently been drowning his sorrows in alcohol. He stared down intently at his glass, watching the ice cube melt slowly and hoping Kuroo wouldn’t see him. Of course, luck was never on his side and Kuroo sat two spots down at the bar. In the long list of things that had gone to hell, Kuroo was up there. 

In all his inner monologuing, Akaashi had forgotten he needed to hide from Kuroo and was immediately a target. The instant Kuroo saw him, his face lit up and Akaashi hated how he wanted to smile too. What he hated even more was how Kuroo filled the space between them easily; all smiles and cheer and asking what Akaashi had been up to since high school and congratulating him because he just finished college, right? The whole thing is so normal and casual considering Akaashi feels like his world has been ripped apart and it makes him signal to the bartender for another whiskey.

The responses he gives in return to Kuroo’s pure joy and easy teasing are measured- from years of making sure he had the perfect scores, extracurriculars, partners, life. If Kuroo noticed how he isn’t giving the conversation much attention, he doesn’t let him know which makes Akaashi eternally grateful. Around him the whole world is falling apart and colliding and mending itself together again and the only thing Akaashi can focus on without breaking down is his drink on the shiny counter. It was almost impressive the way that the counter was so meticulously clean despite the slew of drunken fools Akaashi had seen flow through the bar all evening. Then again, at this point- with three whiskeys already down his throat- he was one of those drunken fools. Probably the only one sitting with their biggest regret. 

Kuroo opened his mouth again, saying something about Akaashi’s computer science degree and how they need a person like that in the lab he works at, and it takes all of his will power not to scream that he doesn’t even care about computers or anything and it’s all just numb. But he knows better than to do that and no matter how empty he feels he isn’t going to dump that onto Kuroo- the one person he’s been in love with since he knew what love was. 

His heart yearns to just reach forward and hug Kuroo like how he used to be able to at the height of their friendship. He knows that won’t be happening- he’s been shoving everyone away for five long years and he’ll be surprised if there’s a single person besides his mother who cares for him at this point. In all fairness, at the beginning he didn’t intend for it to all spiral. All he wanted was to stop playing volleyball because there was no one who he wanted to play with anymore after... /that/ happened. Then it just came so naturally once he turned in his resignation to a saddened Coach Yamiji. It was easy to ignore the dwindling texts coming in from his old teammates and to dive into college applications (he wasn’t “avoiding” them per say, just focused on getting into a good college and there was nothing wrong with that). With the hyper focus he devoted to studying it was no surprise he got into a good school he knew would make his father happy. All of it was so natural and easy that it made Akaashi wonder if he even was meant to have the friends and the volleyball club in the first place. 

Only one part wasn’t easy. He had wanted to sever things with Kuroo first but Akaashi kept finding reasons to keep the male around. Finally, at his high school graduation- which should have had one special person in the crowd who had promised to drag Akaashi’s current obsession along- he spotted Kuroo alone and holding some wildflowers he most definitely had plucked from the sidewalk. The whole thing made him ache so much that Akaashi’s classmate had to nudge him forward to move across the stage. When he had met up with Kuroo after the ceremony the young man had been smiling and full of joy even as a teary eyed Akaashi said he couldn’t handle it anymore. 

And so he had left. Gone away to a fancy university with his fancy major and didn’t make any attempts to talk to people. It wouldn’t matter- none of them could exude the pure joy /he/ had. Every day that passed, Akaahi feared more and more that the only joy in the world had been sucked away when /he/ had hugged Akaashi tight and hopped on a plane never to be seen again, until a disgruntled fishing vessel dredged up a piece of the wing from the Pacific Ocean. That, Akaashi hummed into his glass, was the moment everything went to hell. Now he’s here doing everything his best friend in the world can’t do and hating every moment because what he wouldn’t give to be the one in that watery grave instead of /him/. 

 

The last words might have slipped from Akaashi’s loose lips as Kuroo turns to him with such a saddened expression that Akaashi almost wishes he could take it back. Almost. On the other hand, the tiny devil on his shoulder tells him to keep going; tell Kuroo about how much he loved him and that it tore him apart to love him when /he/ wouldn’t be able to love anyone anymore and tell Kuroo that he also got the chance to go to the same fancy camp in the states but turned it down to look after his mother as she went through with getting away from the man she hated most and also had shared the most with in her life. He wants to tell Kuroo everything, the way he chose computer science because some random guidance counselor said it would be a high pay job and that he had an affinity for it based on some useless survey and how he lived every day of his life for a damn ghost.

But he knows how to be perfect. So instead he swallows all those thoughts and pretends he’s just drunk and that he didn’t mean what he said. The one thing he’s good at- pretending. Akaashi should have known that would never fool Kuroo. Maybe it could fool the rest of the world but Kuroo and /him/ had always been able to tell exactly what Akaashi was feeling. So he leans close and hugs Akaashi just like /he/ used to and Akaashi is on the verge of tears when Kuroo pulls back and kisses him gently and it doesn’t solve everything but it’s the first time in years that he’s felt more than a sinking hole in his chest and maybe that’s enough.

They break apart and all that Akaashi can do is release a heavy breath as the weight of the world becomes a little lighter. With one less burden on his shoulder, he leans in close to Kuroo before the dark curtain can be drawn over his heart again and shoves away the whiskey glass- Kuroo’s arms providing more comfort than an amber bottle ever could.

**Author's Note:**

> hopefully this all makes sense i was going for a choppy introspective style with NO dialogue and by golly i think i got it which is very exciting for little old me :D i hope u enjoyed and that it makes sense- i don’t really want to explain what happened just to see if my writing conveyed it but if you’re lost just drop a comment and i can elaborate lol


End file.
